nerves

the marathon is 25 days away! i can't believe it. i'm definitely excited, but i'm also ridiculously nervous. the usual fears: what if i can't finish? what if my calf hurts too much? what if the weather is too cold/hot/rainy, and that affects my running? what if my leg falls off? etc. these questions, as pessimistic as they are, tend to keep me motivated. i think: well, that's why i'm resting my leg and training: so these things don't happen, so i can finish the race, so my leg doesn't fall off. i also think about my inspirations for running: friends and family who have been affected by cancer, and my own personal goals. oh, and for some reason i always get this mantra stuck in my head: "impossible is nothing." yes - adidas did its advertising job well.

it's definitely getting harder for me to compartmentalize the marathon into the safe "so far away it's almost unreal" box that it's been in for the past 6 months. now, with less than a month to go, it's the real deal. i have my BIG run (which most likely means 5.25 hours of alternative cardio) this weekend - 22 miles. it was 20, but i upped it to 22 because honestly i feel that if i can't run, i need to punish my body as much as humanly possible. hopefully it works and i am in good enough shape to actually run the race. i think it should take up most of the day on saturday or sunday, though i haven't exactly decided which day that will be. i guess it kinda depends on when i feel the most rested. 5-plus hours! whew. i think i'm ready for that, but i'm not sure i'm ready for the marathon. i'm hoping that this workout will give me a huge confidence boost.

we'll see.

monday.

these days, to me, that's the ugliest word in the english language. hooray for cliches!

however, today being monday means that my long weekend workout is behind me. which is fantastic. yesterday i did a lot of working out, but i mixed it up a little by using the doggies as part of my cardio routine. it went something like this:

(1) wake up to cody (puppy, white lab) licking my face and then walking on it, unabashedly displaying her recently-shaved backside (the result of a $2,500 corrective-surgery nightmare) in a manner that, if she were human, would definitely be considered indecent.

(2) consider making breakfast, then realize that i am still at chris' house, where all that would be available is beer, red bull, salad dressing and microwaveable soup.

(3) throw dietary caution to the wind, pile the dogs in the car, and drive directly to moe's, where i inhale a bagel loaded with peanut butter while the dogs salivate in the (caged-in) back seat.

(4) drive to the dog park, where the dogs drag me from the parking lot to the park enclosure like a well-oiled iditarod sled team.

(5) while several alpha-male types vigorously sniff layla's butt, play with cody by repeatedly throwing tennis ball into lake. run around fenced enclosure picking up cody's poop (she likes to poop while moving, so it gets very scattered). chase alpha-male types away from layla. unsuccessfully attempt to prevent cody from rolling in mud/dirt/feces/garbage. emerge from dog park an hour later with layla and a brownish-gray puppy.

(6) on the drive home, realize that cody REALLY needs a bath.

(7) at home, towel cody off (laziness prevents bath at the moment), air out car, pile dogs into car again, drive to mt. sanitas trailhead. proceed up the trail, once again dragged by 2-dog sled team.

(8) let dogs off leash.

(9) walk/run up sanitas (only running on flat parts of trail, natch). observe what seems to be thousands of other people out doing the exact same thing with their dogs, hence the conga line approach to the summit. reach the summit and immediately turn around because half the population of boulder is already up there. attempt to disengage cody from a 3-foot-long tree branch that she has taken a shine to. fail in that attempt and permit cody to carry/drag said branch all the way down the mountain and back to the car.

(10) deposit dogs at home, change, head to gym, exercise for an additional 3 hours.

bones.

the title of this blog has somewhat of a dual meaning. at the moment, the "running" portion of my marathon training has been stymied by a pre-stress-fracture in my right tibia. this has caused me to resort to alternative training methods in order to maintain my cardio fitness and make my thigh muscles even huger. in a desperate effort to decrease the monotony of my otherwise bland (but still obnoxiously difficult, damn it) workouts, i downloaded the complete first season of "bones" onto my video ipod nano (no, this is not an ipod advertisement, i swear).

the leg is improving with the help of (1) no running; (2) lots of non-running cardio; and (3) the fabulous bone stimulator. ok, #3 is questionable because i can as yet detect no discernible benefits from the use of the bone stimulator, except that its existence provides endless amusement for my boyfriend chris (and for every other guy i know), in the lame and over-used jokes department ("i've got a bone you can stimulate. heh heh."). yes. i've NEVER heard that before.

"bones" the tv show is also pretty excellent. there is lots of gore and science-y stuff. there is pretty good dialogue. there is a pretty kick-ass female lead character. and yes, there is also sexual tension. it's basically my ideal show. i enjoy watching it while eating energy gel on the bike. perhaps i will motivate enough to download more seasons. and perhaps at some point i will figure out what, exactly, a forensic anthropologist does in order to gain the privilege of sifting through bear crap to identify human remains.

this is why dogs are awesome.

the feast of maximum occupancy...

... or "fomo", as it is affectionately known, was celebrated two weeks ago in brooklyn, new york. this holiday was created by me, katie and bishop a few years ago because we wanted a holiday that we could all attend (owing to our families' geographic diversity, that was impossible with traditional holidays). so, we created this one. there are a few guidelines to appropriately celebrate:

1. our patron saint is unfamous matthew mcconaughey. that is, you must picture matthew mcconaughey as an unfamous slob lounging around in a bathrobe (which he pretty much does anyway, but he's famous while doing it).

2. the feast is a celebration of laziness. as such, celebrants are required to wear pajamas/robes and be as lazy as possible during the feast. this includes gorging on as much food as will fit in your stomach.

3. the feast is traditionally held each year on the day after february 28, but owing to logistical difficulties this year, it was moved to the following week. that's the true beauty of a made-up holiday.

4. since the feast is a made-up holiday, without its own culinary tradition, it is appropriate (nay, mandatory) that foods from many different holidays be represented. this year, we enjoyed foods from thanksgiving, yom kippur, diwali, easter, hannukah, christmas, fourth of july, halloween and whatever holiday it is that celebrates lots of exotic cheeses.

5. finally, and perhaps most importantly, there is an airing of grievances. we all share grievances that we have accrued over the past year, without judgment or condescension. no grievance is too small to be aired.

this year's feast was a true success. to me, at least, success is usually measured in the amount and quality of the grievances. fortunately for all involved, everyone seemed to have had a truly shitty year, so there was lots of discontent to go around. hurrah!

bike shorts

in my never-ending quest to find non-boring alternatives to running, i tried a spinning class last wednesday. it was actually pretty intense, so i'm going back tonight. it's a popular class, apparently, because a bunch of people got turned away right before the start. but not me, because i was there about an hour early like the loser i am.

anyway, i learned two very important things in that class: first, since the bikes are manually controlled by the rider, it's possible to "cheat" and not have to work as hard; second, contrary to my initial assumption, bike shorts are not just a fashion accessory. all i can say is, wow - i really felt bad for the dudes in the class who thought they were too cool to show off their packages and instead opted for the more stylish (but far, far less comfortable) baggy gym attire.

of course, this being boulder, there weren't too many people lacking this all-important article of clothing. most people were rocking what looked like the most expensive brand-name spandex ever. except for me, obviously, because i just randomly decided to take the class at the last minute. so this week i went out and bought some bike shorts (not the wicked expensive kind). they basically look like spandex shorts with a diaper wedged in the crotchal area. needless to say, i. cannot. wait. to. wear. them.

update: i was just asked by my astute friend katie why in the world i had never tried a spinning class before last week. answer: it was deemed (by me) to be "too 90's" and otherwise "uncool." and it still is. it's just that now i don't care, because let's be honest: if i'm willing to strap on a waist float and flippers and pretend to "run" in a public pool, then i'm definitely not too cool to take a spinning class. i draw the line at jazzercise, however.

success!

the bone stimulator is operational! i don't know how it happened, but i managed to get one, and i think it works. at least, it feels kinda tingly.

no sex toy jokes, please! it's a medical device. seriously.




... ok, whatever.

the bone stimulator

i love me some medical gadgets.

hopefully, one of these lovely devices will soon be mine, courtesy of health insurance and credit cards.

the trouble with running, part 2

all hail the AMT!

since i'm training for the boston marathon, i suppose i should focus some of this blog on the whole running thing.

part 2:

last monday i got a call from my orthopedist (a real sports doctor - finally!). the good news: i do not have a stress fracture. the bad news: i am about to get a stress fracture if i keep running.

so...

the solution is to not run for 6 weeks. as a result, i'm currently in week 2 of my new, fun, "no running" running program, which consists mainly of interval circuits on gym machines like bike, elliptical, AMT (as well as my trusty pool running schedule). and, because i have willed myself to run this race no matter what (though i couldn't exactly explain my dogged determination at this low point in my running career), somehow i am supposed to not run for a month and a half and still be in good enough shape to actually run on april 21. according to my trainer, i should be able to finish the marathon after this layoff if i keep up with the intervals (along with some other miscellaneous and disturbingly intensive exercise).

as a result, i have gotten intimately familiar with some exciting new gym equipment. the AMT (short for "adaptive motion trainer") is definitely both my favorite and least favorite gym accessory. it's my favorite because it is a ridiculous workout, but it's also my least favorite because it makes me work hard and i believe that i am fundamentally lazy when it comes to pushing myself. i've posted a picture above. the machine is really low-impact, so it's perfect for me and my bad knee and funky calf. it's pretty rad.

it kind of reminds me of those crazy infomercials with the short, tan, bulked-up guy with a blond ponytail who promoted something called a gazelle (or perhaps some other african ungulate). this is similarly strange-looking... but definitely effective at kicking my ass, which i suppose is the primary goal. long story short, i totally want an AMT... so i've just got to come up with about 9 grand. whee!