nerves

the marathon is 25 days away! i can't believe it. i'm definitely excited, but i'm also ridiculously nervous. the usual fears: what if i can't finish? what if my calf hurts too much? what if the weather is too cold/hot/rainy, and that affects my running? what if my leg falls off? etc. these questions, as pessimistic as they are, tend to keep me motivated. i think: well, that's why i'm resting my leg and training: so these things don't happen, so i can finish the race, so my leg doesn't fall off. i also think about my inspirations for running: friends and family who have been affected by cancer, and my own personal goals. oh, and for some reason i always get this mantra stuck in my head: "impossible is nothing." yes - adidas did its advertising job well.

it's definitely getting harder for me to compartmentalize the marathon into the safe "so far away it's almost unreal" box that it's been in for the past 6 months. now, with less than a month to go, it's the real deal. i have my BIG run (which most likely means 5.25 hours of alternative cardio) this weekend - 22 miles. it was 20, but i upped it to 22 because honestly i feel that if i can't run, i need to punish my body as much as humanly possible. hopefully it works and i am in good enough shape to actually run the race. i think it should take up most of the day on saturday or sunday, though i haven't exactly decided which day that will be. i guess it kinda depends on when i feel the most rested. 5-plus hours! whew. i think i'm ready for that, but i'm not sure i'm ready for the marathon. i'm hoping that this workout will give me a huge confidence boost.

we'll see.